letter from the dark
by Fine Kat
Summary: a letter from Riku to his best friend *cursing*


Sora

It must be surprising, getting this—assuming you _do_ get this that is. A letter from me, we've only had fleeting contact for the past 2 years. or has it been 3? Or has it been only 1? I don't even know, trying to keep track of time here is useless. It's always dark

I have a cat. It looks like a cat anyway; small, a kitten maybe, and it's got a tabby swirl of orange and white and yellow. I named it Black, it responds when I call it that. It's not really mine I suppose but it's always where I am. somehow. It's friendly for a cat but it won't let me touch, it rubs against me all the time, but when I get close it hisses like I'm death Never mind, forget I mentioned a cat, I'm a coward and I'm stalling and wasting ink and paper. Black is doing well though NO! Forget the cat

My thoughts are so scattered and so important and so worthless and I'm not making any sense at all. I'm _trying_ to write you an apology and somehow I ended up telling you about a cat who isn't mine and whose identity as a feline is questionable. I forgetting important stuff that I should be writing because I'm making useless jokes about a 'cat' and my hand is shaking so badly and I'm What the fuck is

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm an idiot, a moron, I would beat me to a bloody pulp if I were someone else. I'm just the dick that fucked our island our world to hell, I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm sorry that I'm writing this so sloppily. I'm sorry that my language is so bad (and probably going to get worse). I'm sorry I'm bound and determined to send you this, flaws and all. Mostly I'm sorry I cant say this to your face. I fully expect to never see Destiny Islands again. I nearly destroyed I _did_ destroy our home. But thankfully you have the eraser that can set right my errors. I guess it was fate, I was merely the weak-hearted fool who brought it to pass. How did _I _end up on an island with someone as pure as you & Kairi? We both grew up in the same conditions. The outcome could not have been more different. The gap between you and me could hold worlds if it were any wider it would be the _actual­_ distance between us.

One of the many things that eats me up inside is that you probably never even angry at me, it's way more likely that you were worried sick and sleepless. The couple times we saw each other the first thing to come into your eyes was a look of relief, a look of 'thank the gods he hasn't gotten his dumb ass killed'. You always were too nice for your own good. I wish I could be like that; forgive now follow me heart to the answer later. I wish I had just been contented with the existence I had on the island. Life was as perfect as any person has any right to even hope for. I had you & Kairi, Tidus and Wakka and Selphie and our play island. But I'm greedy, I wanted to know more than the complacent, cozy, perfect life. I'm sure you know the tale of the curious cat

It's kind of funny, seeing what I gave up a hero and a princess for. Which reminds me, if you ever get this, say hi to Kairi, tell her that I always knew she was a princess. Maybe you two have split a paopu by now, I I

I hope so. You'd better be taking good care of her, like I told you to. But even if there was some sliver of and off the wall chance of you not already doing that, there's not really much I could do about it. But you'll take care of her, without being told to. You guys deserve each other. I guess this kind of works out in the end. The Hero and the Princess live happily ever after on a beautiful island paradise without a certain traitorous leech from the darkness. I mes I fucked up, bad. It should it _could_ have been the three of us on the beach, the sun high the waves crashing It's selfish and I don't _deserve_ that life I wish I hadn't I wish

I wish I could be like you. You're everything I'm not and I I admire you for that, you're perfect. I wish

This is not a Christmas list. Wishing is for people who have genies or that believe in Sandy Claws.

I'd hoped I could see you at least one last time to tell you this to your face, I feel weird writing it down. If I said the words they could go into your ear and be processed and stored and no one would have to know about the junk of my heart. A letter can be lost or found and read by people who don't need to know this crap. I'm scared shitless that some random person will get this and you'll never get to know this. This letter is a cheap shot; I get to slap you with all this and you don't get to reply, and I am a coward. But I can't help feeling that this is the only way it could be.

I hope

I miss you More than anyone will ever understand. It didn't hurt to let my heart be overtaken by darkness but betraying you and not even getting to say sorry to your face, it feels like someone twisting a knife in my soul.

I'm sorry, for everything, more intensely than I hate myself for being so weak. The fact that this isn't going from my mouth to your ears cheapens it for me, if its not good enough for _me_ how the hell is it going to ever be even a shadow of what's good enough for you? Though the truly fucked up thing is I'll probably never repeat any of this, even if I were so lucky as to see you again. I'm an asshole, I deserve whatever I get more than that even and after I need to die a horrible painful death.

I really

Heh I get a cheap shot at you and I'm still too afraid to say what I need to.

Irony, what a bitch.

I wish I could allow myself to write this a little more coherently but it's just coming out and that's exactly how I want it, I'm not going to scribble anything out for the sake of sounding collected or intelligent or like I give a crap about dotting my 'i's and crossing my 't's because I'm not and I don't. This is my first and only draft It's the closest thing to a heart to heart I can give you from here.

That said I'm going to stop pussy footing around what I've wanted to express since we were little. I'm just going to just spit it out and drop the pen and run away for a while so I don't try to burn this little

I love you

With every bit of heart I have left.

I love Kairi too but I could live with her not forgiving me, I tried my hardest for her.

Riku

A/N: First on this site hope you enjoyed if you did give me a shout

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts in any way, shape, or form, and I don't know anyone who does


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